All My Friends Are Cooler Than Me
"The only podcast certified by no one to make you 35% cooler"
Cool stories, real psychology. "All My Friends Are Cooler Than Me" interviews inspiring people and breaks down the lessons you can use to express your inner awesomeness. Hosted by that one dude Wes and Dr. Laura.
Ever wonder what makes someone stand out. Sit down with us for a weekly story from some of the coolest people on the planet while we extract the psychological principles that have made them successful. Hang out with us just for the stories or to learn the lessons of awesome.
All My Friends Are Cooler Than Me
Alex Kruger-Dobrota
Come chill with us while we talk to Alex Kruger-Dobrota, the man behind Miami.
He has started companies, built unforgettable events, saved charities, served his country, has his own holiday, and is just an all around awesome human being.
This show is made possible by:
One Man One Mic Foundation
Purpose, belonging, and connection are often found in a life of service, but so rarely in the silence after.
The One Man One Mic Foundation exists to help veterans and active duty service members find purpose through storytelling, belonging within our community, and connection to the world through podcasting.
Help bring them back to community.
https://onemanonemicfoundation.org/
@one_man_one_mic_foundation
Badger: Operation Gamify
Do you ever wish you had a scoreboard for you and your friends?
Ever wanted to challenge the world around you like it was a video game while improving your real life?
Find your edge and connect to the people who sharpen it.
Download Badger: Operation Gamify. Compete. Conquer. Connect.
Available on the Apple and Play Store
https://aisummon.com
@badgerbattles
Ink and Frame Collective
Every step you take has a vibe. Every movement is a new line in your story.
Your perfect moment can be captured with a team that wants to help tell your tale.
The Ink and Frame Collective connects you to more than just a camera, they connect you to that beautiful moment and make it eternal.
@wfe_photography
https://www.inkandframecollective.com/
$3 Buck Water
Hydration is the key to a clean crisp mind and body the same way helping others and the environment is to having a clean crisp spirit. Let $3 BUCK Water help you and your team knock them all out at once. Each water comes in a recyclable aluminum can and features your non-profit or causes logo and information with more than HALF the profits going to you!
*Veteran owned and operated*
Visit 3buckwater.com.
@3buckwater
welcome to all my friends are cooler than me i'm wes
SPEAKER_00:and i'm dr laura enjoy today's episode
SPEAKER_01:and learn how to be just a little bit cooler so now we're officially recording i do have to ask you to put your pants back on alex got me all right i got you up on the big screen welcome to the show everybody i'm here with my good buddy alex and there are So many amazing things that I can say about this guy. We've known each other for a couple of years now, and he's honestly one of the most impressive human beings I have ever met. There are a thousand things that I could go on about, but if I had to boil them down to just a handful of bullet points, incredible human being, amazing volunteer, community builder, community engager, never-ending entrepreneur. He's got things like Three Buck Water. He's got things like Badger, Operation Gamify, sponsor of the show. Thank you again, by the way. The man's got a degree in physics. He's a former Marine sniper and jujitsu badass and does live promotion events for that. When it comes time to integrate with the community down there in Miami, he does all kinds of things. The Top Gun Olympics that everybody loves. He's got the Top Gun tryouts coming up here. Integrations with the YMCA. I mean, the list just kind of goes on and on. Like, he helps out with museums. He helps out with stuff at the beach. Like, the man is absolutely incredible. He single-handedly brought the VFW back to life. I am left speechless and I'm never left speechless. So with no further ado, let me turn it over to my good friend, Alex.
SPEAKER_03:Hey Wes, thank you for having me on the first show ever, okay? I don't know if I can be cooler than you, but I definitely got shot at more than you. So if that has anything to do with it, then hey, I turned chaos into purpose, all right? So thank you again for having me on the show. Thank you for coming on. So where
SPEAKER_01:are you at
SPEAKER_03:right
SPEAKER_01:now?
SPEAKER_03:Right now, I'm sitting in the nice, sunny Miami Beach, South Beach, Florida, enjoying the weather. So
SPEAKER_01:just out of curiosity here, when do I get to come back to Miami and hang out with you again? in that nice, sunny, warm beach weather.
SPEAKER_03:Whenever you buy the plane ticket, man, we want you back. I got a bedroom here from you and Dr. Laura.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, don't leave me out of these plans. I would never.
SPEAKER_01:Alex and I would never go off on a pro adventure. Never. And cause mayhem.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and who's joining us? Who's the cute, cuddly
SPEAKER_00:guy? Oh, and Ollie as well. He's our trusty sidekick.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Hey, he needs to come too. So him and Luna can hang out.
SPEAKER_01:One of the first nights I ever met Alex and hung out with him, the next morning I got in a ton of trouble. Because Alex and I came across the golf cart that we proceeded to take down some pier. And then we wound up in a Greek wedding shooting fireworks.
SPEAKER_03:You're in full uniform. Fleet Week didn't kick off yet.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it was a good time. It was a good time. Listen, man, I talked a bunch already. I told you all of these reasons that I honestly, into the core of my being, believe that you are one of the coolest human beings that's ever walked the face of the earth. Please tell me you got a story for us that backs me up so I don't look like a crazy person. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I mean, there's a whole bunch of stories that we could talk about. But I guess to start off, I'd like to talk about the warrior mindset and combining that with my physics journey. And so me being cooler than Wes, I mean, I don't know about that. Wes, you are a man to remember. One of the best quotes that I know is you always want to be somebody that even if you meet once, then they'll remember you for the rest of your life. That's kind of the same model that I like to bring in with all of my business ventures, with all of my events. I want people that attend them, that experience them, to have a memory that they're going to have and cherish for the rest of their life that they could talk to their kids about And every time I hang out with you, Wes, there's always a memory that I always tell my wife, my kids, everybody that I know, and everybody else that experiences it too. Like the last time you came to visit at the Wolfsonian, everybody there still talks about you. So thank you again, Wes, for having me on.
SPEAKER_01:I'm literally just cool by association with you. So like, sure.
SPEAKER_03:So I... yeah so i joined the marines at 19. um first in i was a machine gunner deployed on the 31st mew to asia pacific region traveled around i was a heavy traveler before and after the marines traveling's in my soul i'm canadian citizen of the world got my papers through the military actually had to get my citizenship through uh to get to sniper school um And so that's what I did to make it happen, follow my dreams. When I first joined, I couldn't really do special operations or the direct route for Navy SEALs or the 18X route with Army because I was Canadian. So the only skillset that I could do that really, uh, was in the interest of what, of, of why I wanted to join was, was snipers was scout snipers. And even then I didn't really know there wasn't really a pipeline and I had to just wait for it for that opportunity. And when I saw it, I seized the moment, um, that was on the mule. There was a little call roll call, um, at the end of the day on ship and said, Hey, state platoon is looking for is having an in doc. Um, and so would you want to join? i actually joined that in doc in oki and it was hell it was crazy it was uh totally a mind mindset you know mind can we swear on here yeah you can go for it bro definitely a mind and so the land nav portion they changed the the exact points to not the right points so nobody got the right points everybody had zero points and so here i am running around for two days in the jungle thinking i totally failed i'm a complete loser um and then actually three of my uh or two of my buddies from like a company wanted to leave that in doc interestingly enough i wanted to go if we left the indoc right and then there we could do a joint training with the japanese military And so, because I had zero points, I ended up quitting. I quit that in doc with my buddies and I went to Japan to the Japanese training, joint training with them, had a great time, got to see the land, got to see the culture. And when I got back, Thankfully, there was another stay in dock and this time I wasn't going to quit. And sure enough, I beasted that. I got most of the most points in the land of on that time. I was the first one that finished the ruck that was like the slave fest, you know, to weed out most of the people. And then since then, I made it in. I was a pig and waited for my time to become a hog, hunter of gunmen, completing scout sniper school.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, with that, do you mind if I ask you about something? Because you accomplished a lot in that, not just like the military arena, but all these arenas. And starting out as a Canadian citizen, you now have a holiday in America named after you.
SPEAKER_03:May 22nd, Alex Kruger to bro today, Miami Beach.
SPEAKER_01:Which is the day the show is releasing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I couldn't resist the urge to throw some more praise at you, brother.
SPEAKER_03:Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Yeah, that was a surprise. I mean, it culminated from the Top Gun Olympics event for Fleet Week Miami, and it was really the epitome of blending the military with the community through athletic competition. Throughout my life, I kind of realized that you really find your purpose through testing yourself, seeing how you rank compared to other people, finding brothers through shared misery or combat. And so that stemmed from the military, that stemmed from athletic competitions, and really looking back, it really stemmed from, I think I was like eight or nine in school. And it was the first time we did like a mass class fitness, what you call, competition. And so it was pull-ups, it was push-ups, it was sit-ups. And I did one pull-up, okay? I did one pull-up and the best kid in my class did 11. And that really set me, I think, on this journey of this mindset of finding purpose through how you rank compared to everybody else. And so I never wanted to have one pull up ever again after that. That gave me fuel to train harder. And so maybe some people might be scared away from that. Oh, I did one pull up. I'm not good enough or whatever. For me, that was an invitation to train harder. And so that kind of defined the rest of my life through the military, through events, through my social app. which is built around competition to inspire purpose. And so that kind of led and culminated to Top Gun Olympics. Top Gun Olympics, we found out who the championship team was. We found out who the best individual competitors were. And so that all was built through that initial mindset of when I was eight or nine years old, doing this athletic competition with my school.
UNKNOWN:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:So from there. Well,
SPEAKER_01:I was going to give Dr. Laura an opportunity to ask, because there is a question that kind of comes along with that, that we had talked about a little bit before the show. So if you don't mind me asking, where did that drive for competition come from? Because that seems to be kind of a core tenet for you.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I mean, seeing, I mean, really the competition is, drives purpose. And transitioning from the military to civilian life was really rough for me. Leaving your brothers, leaving a mission-oriented environment, you're left with nothing. But what I realized after years of just fighting at the bar, seeing my buddies struggling, that really started seeing how my buddies transitioned as well, along with me. And I really started analyzing what's going wrong here. What are the factors that kind of lead to this mindset that drives you down into a spiral to rock bottom, right? And so I realized at the time I was training jujitsu, I had something that I could look forward to every day, that joy, getting on the mats, finding brotherhood through competition, but it wasn't enough. It was good for a temporary bandaid, but it wasn't until I started competing in jujitsu, win tournaments, and finding that inspiration to train for a goal, for a purpose. I noticed when I didn't perform well, it stuck with me all day long. My first tournament, I got armbarred within the first minute, right in front of my ex-girlfriend. probably why she's the next girlfriend right now. And so that was with the first minute and that was embarrassing, but sure enough, I never wanted to get armbarred ever again. And so since then I never did. And really, I think that was really the birth of that whole mindset and direction of how I wanted to pursue the rest of my life. I saw the power of that and everybody else does too. And so when you see how you rank to other people, it really puts you in reality where you stand. And so you can either run from it or you can run towards it. My first day training jujitsu, I got tapped out 18 times. And I see some people that I brought to the gym, either they get tapped out like crazy, no problem as well. But either they run from it and they don't wanna do it anymore or they're hooked. because they see the benefits of learning this combat system. And really that competition keeps you driving forward with a clear direction. I noticed when I was drinking or smoking, it would hinder my progress. And so everything has to have some type of growth, some type of direction. Training with my brothers, the other fellow competitors that were like world champions, I knew I was training with the elite. I knew what I had to do to get better. And so that kind of put me on the right path that totally changed my life. And I'm happy to say that it changed other people and my buddies' lives as well.
SPEAKER_01:So I think my question with that then is, you know, historically speaking, when people start talking about being very competitive and having competition as like kind of a core tenet, of their own personal philosophy, it has a habit of alienating them from the world around them, right? Because it's this self-refinement, constant comparison. But honestly, brother, you are one of the most compassionate and community-oriented people I've ever met. So where does that marriage come from in you? Because it's such a rare thing to see both of those in equal measure.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's funny you say that. I was listening to a podcast with Magnus Carlsen and Joe Rogan today. And Magnus, who's the world champion chess player, was talking about joy. And he views chess as a hobby, not a job. And he never wanted to view it as a job. And the key component of having it as a hobby is the joy aspect of it. Because if you really truly love what you're doing and have fun what you're doing, then you become obsessed. And so that goes to your point, Wes, of how it could be alienating to other groups or my network. And that is true. I become obsessive for the direction that I want to go, for the purpose that I want to instill and for the projects that I'm running. However, what keeps me going is seeing the reaction of everybody that gets to experience what I bring to the table. And so when I see a person come to one of my events, that's a brand new person, a jujitsu event that I did. And they walk in, they're like, what's going on? What the hell is this? And so they get a beer and they got just pure joy and excitement on their face because they want to see more. Then at the same event, I have a 20 year, 14 time world champion, been there, done that, has gyms all around the world, has the same expression on his face. That really showed me that I'm doing something right. And an interesting point is later, maybe a year later at my biggest event, I had a different world champion competing and they requested no music or certain policies for the event. And it totally wasn't the same. It wasn't the same. And so I realized then that, you know what? I need to just focus on what I know and what I'm passionate about because that comes out through what I do and everybody else gets to see that and they see what I'm doing and they get to be a part of it and they wanna be part of it. I never had to pay any media person. I never had to pay any staff for my events. They were so engaging, they're so unique that people just wanted to volunteer and be a part of it, to see what's going on. And that's kind of the mission that I, and vision that i try to accomplish with every event that i do or or company
SPEAKER_01:i mean it sounds to me that you take competition and you use it as a tool to inspire instead of alienate do you think that's a fair assessment then
SPEAKER_03:100 100 i think one
SPEAKER_01:thing that makes you so unique is the fact that you you don't just contribute to communities Like, you build community around you. Like, you set this goal. You set this path. You inspire the people to get excited, just like you were saying, about the thing that you are passionate about. And you build tribe just by being yourself. And it's really cool. I think that's kind of the point of Badger, right? Like, that's kind of the philosophy behind it. Do you mind telling us a little bit more about Badger? Yeah. Because you're wearing the shirt. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So I realized throughout my life that the best people at what they did viewed things as like a game or something. They're doing something for fun because they're passionate about it. And so I was always inspired by technology and the benefits that can bring the world just through automation and efficiency. And I think a key point is effectiveness as well. And so what really makes something efficient and effective? It's where you have the person that you're reaching have an experience that they can connect with another person at least on that level where they're shared uh where they're uh sharing in whatever whatever environment or hobby or whatever they're doing but they can connect on that level and so that could be jiu jitsu that could be yoga that could be math class whatever but if you can find that connection between two people and you create the platform That's all that Badger is. Badger is the playground for people to connect through whatever type of experience or passion that they share. And then you can go out and find it with that person. And so when you see videos or pictures or whatever of other people doing what you like to do, that's a way to connect with other people. And that's your tribe right there. And so Badger is just a playground to help you grow, to help you connect, to help you find purpose.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. How does that relate to your efforts for the Top Gun Olympics and especially the Top Gun tryouts that are coming up for Fleet Week down in Miami again?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So Top Gun Olympics to me is really the epitome of blending the community with the military through athletic competition. And so really first responders, veterans, military, we all kind of have the, there's like a physical fitness test and there's always games and competitions and friendly competition between different units. But what I realized in the military is that we never really talked to each other. We never really competed against each other, the different units, I mean, and so I wanted to create that in reality. How come there isn't a platform for different entities to really compete against each other? When Fleet Week Miami came to town, I realized this is the opportunity that this can be a reality. We have Muscle Beach, which is an iconic location on South Beach, where it's really that alone is the essence of Top Gun Olympics. You have tourists, you have locals, you have influencers. Last year, when I was promoting Top Gun Olympics, I just went to film a bunch of people doing fitness exercises. I met Chris Heria, who's got 3 million subscribers, who's a local Miami fitness guru. I met Jake Paul. I met Sean O'Malley, the UFC fighter, all on the same day. Meanwhile, you have tourists and locals training at the beach at the same time. And so if there could be a platform where we can reach a larger audience and at the same time blend the military so that everything is led and with the leadership of what the military represents to the community, to our country, then I wanted to make that a reality. And that was kind of the birth of Top Gun Olympics.
SPEAKER_01:Today's episode is brought to you by the One Man, One Mic Foundation, Badger, Operation Gamify, Three Buck Water, and the Ink and Frame Collective. Check out the episode description for more details. You know, it's, I think, an uncontestable fact that you stand at the top of that podium holding gold and a ton of elements, not just in your accomplishments, but in your core character as a person and, quite frankly, as a friend. my question to you is nobody gets there without having to overcome something so what did you have to overcome to get to that place
SPEAKER_03:yeah so the my father said nothing ever comes from anything unless you fight for it and i kind of thought throughout my life we had a tumultuous relationship i just thought that was the type of person he was however For my transition, even in the military, even to go to sniper school, I had to fight just to get a spot at the school. But especially once I got out of the military, I didn't have anybody. I didn't have a purpose. I didn't have a job. I didn't have anything kind of guiding me. And so I was going through school just to get the VH check, you know, coming in to at least buy me time to figure out what I want to do. I went to school before the military for finance. I didn't really care about that. And so the only thing I knew getting out was I just wanted to go to school for something I liked. First, it was marine biology. Right before I got out, I went to SeaWorld and saw a dolphin come up and say hi. And I talked to one of the trainers. I was like, hey, how do I get your job? I want to hang out with dolphins all day. And she said, I'm a marine biologist. So I did that. But then it was kind of like here and there. It wasn't really until I found asteroid mining and learning that China had 92% of the rare earth metals used for electronics that kind of got me into physics. And so that kind of started giving me a path, giving me a direction. But at the same time, I was drinking. fighting every weekend. I wanted that sense of freedom that I found on the battlefield in Afghanistan. In Afghanistan, you're out there and you're on site, especially with me and my team. We planned our own missions. We had high value targets. And it really was up to a sergeant or me, a corporal, to have the ultimate say at the moment to protect our Marines' lives and accomplish the mission. So transitioning, I didn't really know. I was with, I had one friend who had a similar kind of combat experience as me. So we connected really well in school. But every year he was going on a spirit journey. He, around the same time he was lost, he was, he didn't have his, give me one second. He was kind of lost himself and so It really was that time period where I started analyzing me, him, what kind of factors led to our state of mind and how can we get out of it. We ended up going down to Colombia. He went on a spirit quest, thought he was reincarnated Pablo Escobar, and it didn't really go well with the local people. And so he got roped up. to save his life and was put in jail and ended up spending six months in a mental institute in Colombia. That was obviously very impactful to me. There were some things said between him and me and it really kind of made me realize, all right, I need to do something. I need to change my life. I need to have some type of direction. We always talked about training together Jiu-Jitsu, Muay Thai, something combat related. And my neighbor just so happened to be a Marine, trained Jiu-Jitsu, and I said, screw it, let me try it one day. Once I started training Jiu-Jitsu, that kind of got me right on the right path. But at the same time, my best friend coming out of the Marines, me and him, we're going through other problems, not just looking for fights, seeking freedom, self-destructive behavior. But we were on hard drugs. And that kind of gave us an outlet to fill the void of the day. And so what I realized in school, when you have BAH, you have money, and you have just classes to do. You can pass the classes. You don't have to pass the classes. You're still going to get your BAH pretty much. And if you have nothing else, then you have just you and your thoughts. And you spiral down, you spiral down. You don't have your support. You don't have your brothers. And there's not really any direction. And that's kind of the position that I was in. I woke up one day. I OD'd here on South Beach. I woke up in the hospital.
SPEAKER_02:And
SPEAKER_03:it was... some bad you know a bad batch whatever but i got lucky um apparently the ambulance was down the block for me and got to me in 30 seconds if they weren't in that location i wouldn't be here today and so i woke up in the hospital room puking and realizing this is really my second chance at life um and i just keep on thinking like my the call to my mother. That would have been devastating. And unfortunately, my best friend, he was going through a similar type of problem. He was in and out of rehabs. He was a three-time felon. But at that time, I already kind of got myself out of the rut. I started my business. I got, you know, pursued jujitsu and I told him, Hey, drop what you're doing and come live with me. And, uh, and so thankfully he did that. Um, and it really kind of changed his life around until a point. Um, and so that's kind of also, what I'm trying to say is an important factor is that this mindset isn't and what I want to do with Badger isn't really just a one-off thing. It's not a cure-all. It's a way of life. It's a mindset. You have to keep on doing it and adopt it as your way of living. After he came to live with me, he was technically still on probation. So we did jujitsu, we did the business. He changed his life around. He started getting back to school so he can go to Emory Riddle, his dream school, which is number one ranked in the country for aeronautical engineering. But when the probation officer came to visit us, he should have came to me with a business meeting, came with me to a business meeting, but he decided to stay home that day. So when the probation officer knocked on my door to see and inspect if the place was habitable to have him and to sponsor him, he answered the door and he shouldn't have been there. He should have stayed, he should have been in Arizona. So boom, he violated probation. They sent him back to Arizona. He was living in a trailer. His family was in the vicinity, but it was during COVID time. He couldn't spend time with his family because of the COVID problems and how they felt with COVID. And so he was alone. At this time he had, after two years from living with me, he got three days in school, got into Emory Riddle, the best aeronautical engineering school in the country at that time. And then one day he saw a picture of his ex-wife with some other guy and he kind of went off to have a taste of the old medicine. Next thing I know, his parents, his mom haven't heard from him. I'm calling. I don't know where he's at. For a week, we're trying to find him. And two days later, his ex-girlfriend finds him, passed away in the trailer, OD'd from fentanyl. And so the point of all this is there's always things that is gonna be on your mind, but really, you have to know how to deal with it. And coming out of the military, you're lost and without a purpose, but you have the skillset. You accomplished what you did. You came back and survived Afghanistan. So we shouldn't, as veterans, we shouldn't view the transition process as a detriment or a problem to face, we should really view it as a new battlefield to embark on, a new battlefield to accomplish our life's goals, use our skill set to really have a new mission. And I think that was the really the culminating fact of everything that I learned from my training process is you have to be the one to want to be a better person or not be a better person, but to improve your life, to get out of the rut. You have to be the one to make a difference and you have to be the one to find your next mission. And that's the whole point of Badger. Dalton viewed everything as a game, as a final boss to beat. He was the best at everything. And I know he would have loved Badger. We played Pokemon Go all the time together and Badger is kind of similar. But the point is with Badger is it allows you to find your next mission. Even if you don't know what it is, somebody else posts a mission and you could accomplish it and you can connect with that person. And maybe that'll inspire you to create your own mission. Or you keep on doing, completing more and more and more and you see your progress with the badges you collect, with the points that you level up. And really that's my solution to not only veterans, military, first responders, but the civilians and to really scale a process that helped me. And that's living with joy, social connection, and purpose.
SPEAKER_01:And you're leveraging that tool for the Top Gun Trials, right?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So with the Top Gun Trials this year, we're going bigger than ever. We got 20 teams competing, but we're opening it up to the public. I fostered a partnership with YMCA South Florida. There's 170,000 members. There's seven gyms spanning across three counties. And to me, the YMCA really embodies what community means to me. And so I think it's a perfect partnership between the military and the community having this relationship with YMCA. So what we're doing is Top Gun Trials Qualifiers. and what badge the partnership with bad and the ymca is providing real-time leaderboards and missions for its members under the supervision of military and veterans theme to train with a purpose see how they rank compared to other members ymca already does an amazing job with health and wellness but how do we inspire the next generation to really pursue something greater than themselves, to really have a fuel and fire to train harder than they thought they could before. And so it's more than just health and wellness. What I'm trying to imbue is training with a purpose through real-time leaderboards and these Top Gun trials to engage the community through athletic competitions where they can see how they rank. Maybe they're gonna wanna train harder Maybe it's something fun for them to do. Maybe it's a fun memory that you and your training partner, your battle buddy, can say that you did in honor of Fleet Week for Lauderdale coming up. But that's kind of the purpose of what we're doing with Top Gun Trials.
SPEAKER_01:And so for anybody listening or watching, the link will be in the episode description or somewhere below the post. We'll make sure that it's available for you guys to go check it out. darling are you ready
SPEAKER_00:i'm ready
SPEAKER_01:with all of that said are you ready for the scary part of this
SPEAKER_03:I mean, let's rip off the bandaid. I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_00:No, I promise to go easy on you, Alex. Thank you for sharing just a little part of your story with us. But I figured I could give a little bit of psychological insight into why this competition-oriented mindset has been so successful for you, not only as a vehicle for finding purpose, but also happiness, right? So you intuitively really caught on to a lot of what we know about why competition is such a strong motivator, right? So competition... Motivates people to work harder. It motivates people to innovate. It motivates people to think critically and to think outside of the box, right? And part of the reason why that's the case is because there is this innate comparison that you were picking up on. And in psychology, we actually have a concept for this. It's called social comparison theory. And it actually works both ways, which is kind of interesting, right? So in upward social comparison theory, we compare ourselves to people that are perceived to be above us in some way, right? They've achieved something we haven't achieved. They've scored better than us. They beat us in a jujitsu match, whatever the case may be. And it inspires us to try to work as hard to achieve what they've achieved, right? There's also something called downward social comparison, where we compare ourselves to people who we perceive to be less successful than us. And it turns out that those downward social comparisons also kind of boost our mood, right? So just depends if you where you are in that hierarchy, if you look either to people above you to inspire you, or people below you to kind of make you feel a little bit better about where you're at, right? So I think that that social comparison is a key part of this. But another really key part of this is that you're using this as a vehicle for self-improvement, right? And this, I think, is kind of where we can distinguish between healthy competition and competition that maybe is not so healthy from a psychological perspective, right? So when the focus is only on winning, right, only on achieving and certainly at the cost of other people, that ultimately makes people feel bad in the end. But When the focus is on improvement, learning and pushing yourself, that's when competition becomes a vehicle for self-discovery and improvement, right? And we actually know that broadly speaking, that is one of the biggest ways that we can enhance our own resilience, decrease feelings of depression, increase feelings of self-efficacy is by building mastery, right? Teaching yourself a new skill or pushing yourself in a new direction and incrementally getting better and stronger at that task. So the more we do that, the more we feel like we can face other challenges that we encounter in our lives as well. Yeah. And then plus, the winning part is kind of fun, right? So I think that that is an inherent part of this too. We know that when people play games and they win, that that actually activates the reward center of our brains. You release dopamine when you're playing competitions. And so not only are you using this as a way to... Think critically, innovate, make yourself better, but it's genuinely enjoyable too. And the other thing that really stood out to me about what you were saying and how you're using competition is you're also using it as a form to establish connection, right? So with the jujitsu, even though you all are competing against each other, You also are forming a community, right? There's a brotherhood there. And the best types of competitions are the ones where you can celebrate each other's wins rather than focusing solely on your own.
SPEAKER_01:Makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Way nicer than I thought it was going to be. I thought she was just going to eviscerate you. I'm going to be real.
SPEAKER_03:I liked what you said about the... I forget what it was. There was a point where you really nailed it for me. I'm trying to think what it was. Sorry.
SPEAKER_01:It was the whole thing. It was just one giant, solid piece of gold.
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
UNKNOWN:You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:Right. I mean, for me, it's... To try to boil that down into a life lesson to give somebody who's that 17-year-old shithead like I was, look up to people not with envy but with awe. Emulate success. Compete not just against the people next to you but with yourself for a better tomorrow. Because that's one thing that you've said to me God knows how many times to the point where I think it should probably be a catchphrase. I'm always just trying to make tomorrow better, brother. I'm always just trying to make tomorrow better, brother. I think you just kind of natively and intrinsically fell into this perfect psychological pattern for competition in the healthiest way. Is that fair?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I think you summed it up.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, if you were to look back and talk to a 17-year-old you with the lessons that you've attained like what would you say and keep in mind this is a very poor time machine i didn't work very hard on it so you've only got like 10 seconds so you got like bullet points
SPEAKER_03:um i i would say uh live your life um to tell stories that matter you know uh tell stories that will resonate with others so that they can cherish and remember for the rest of their lives um dead men tell no tales so what i learned in afghanistan is you really only have this life your life can be taken away in a second and the most important thing is to really be alive to experience all of this
SPEAKER_01:okay that hit like way harder than i was anticipating um i mean like anyone i could do not
SPEAKER_03:tear up man
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I think you'd be hard pressed to find somebody who does more living than you. When I look up and I see somebody that inspires me, your face is there, man.
SPEAKER_03:You too, man. Thank you. Thank you for having me
SPEAKER_01:on. All my friends are cooler than me. So if you're like being nice to me in return, like it kind of like, you know, it's... yeah
SPEAKER_00:you're supposed to use the downward social comparison alex
SPEAKER_03:oh
SPEAKER_02:ollie
SPEAKER_03:well
SPEAKER_02:it's hard
SPEAKER_03:uh ollie i guess if being a little curious and a little reckless you know then and obsessed with building community then maybe he's maybe he's right about something
SPEAKER_01:Thank you again so much, man. I really appreciate your time. Thank you for coming on. Hey, thank you to you and to Badger for sponsoring the show. And I look forward to all of the amazing things you're going to do, not just this year with the Top Gun events and trials, but also with Badger, with Three Buck Water, with the VFW. Just Alex is a fucking human being because God damn it if you're not Superman in my book, brother.
SPEAKER_03:Hey, thank you. Thank you again. And thank you, Dr. Love. That was amazing.
SPEAKER_00:You're welcome, Alex. You're amazing. An inspiration.
SPEAKER_01:I appreciate it. Every episode of All My Friends Are Cooler Than Me is made possible by the One Man, One Mic Foundation. Purpose, belonging, and connection are often found in a life of service, but so rarely in the silence that comes after. The One Man, One Mic Foundation exists to help veterans and active duty service members find purpose through storytelling, belonging within our communities, and connection to the world through podcasting. Help bring them back to community. Find out more at onemanonemicfoundation.org.
